comparison bingo
I was feeling pretty decent about my writing until I considered where a friend is at. I promptly began picking myself apart: how I work, where I haven’t been published (yet), what I haven’t accomplished (yet), etc. ad nauseum. Anyone do this to themselves? I’m not talking about jealousy, but rather what I call comparison bingo.
Picture a bingo card. Each square represents a goal. Put a chip on any you’ve accomplished. Now your bingo card has a few chips, or maybe it’s only got one. Either way, you’ve done something. You’re feeling good, you’ve made progress — LET’S GO!
And then you peek at your neighbor’s card. Look how many they have. They’re much closer to a blackout. Suddenly your couple of chips seem inadequate. You feel less accomplished, talented, driven, etc. ad nauseum.
It’s hard (impossible?) to be happy about where we’re at when we’re comparing our paths to someone else’s. It’s only natural, but talk about a joy sucker. Here I was feeling good looking at my work in relation to no one else’s, but as soon as I glimpsed over at what’s on the other side, my accomplishments felt insignificant.
We probably all play comparison bingo. But the game is rigged. It doesn’t consider individual circumstances. Yes, maybe this writer pumps out more work than us, but they’re also not juggling two jobs amid a stressful family situation. Yes, maybe that writer was published in our dream journal, but they might’ve submitted more relentlessly, racking up twenty rejections before their eventual acceptance.
Our situations are all different. We have different processes, different approaches to submitting, different life circumstances. When we play comparison bingo we put ourselves next to someone who may have advantages we don’t. We feel we can’t measure up and forget we are doing enough. We are enough.
It’s easy to fall into the trap that we’re not. We worry we haven’t published enough, haven’t gotten that seven-figure book deal and sold the film rights and made the cover of Time and won a Pulitzer all before our 30th birthday. But hey, that’s not our path.
Maybe our path will be winding and it might take us longer to get there than we’d like. We need patience and perseverance. We need to not worry about what’s on our neighbor’s bingo card, and focus on filling our own. We’re on our own adventure and who knows what’s in store for us? LET’S GO!
Reading Recommendations
Online:
Tanya Žilinskas published a fantastic flash story in Lunch Ticket dealing with a controlling relationship and a haunted fax machine. (Intrigued? Check it out!)
I also loved reading Ines Bellina’s The ‘90s Latin American Food Trend Nobody Wants to Talk About in Saveur. (Wondering about TGI Friday’s popularity in Lima? Read it!)
Books:
Recently read/ preorder alert: I was lucky enough to read an advanced copy of Davon Loeb’s brilliant forthcoming lyrical memoir, The In-Betweens. It’s one I’ll be thinking about for a while and I highly recommend preordering it.
Currently reading/ preorder alert: I’m almost finished reading an advanced copy of V. V. Ganeshananthan’s devastating novel Brotherless Night. Set in Jaffna in the 80s amid a civil war, it’s a gripping and haunting read. (Also worth preordering.)
Up next: I recently took a class with Elizabeth Gonzalez James and am looking forward to digging into her novel Mona at Sea.
Say it with me until you believe it: I am enough, I am enough, I am enough.