I recently enrolled in a dance class. As a kid, I was really only interested in three career paths: artist, writer, or dancer. But dance was too expensive to pursue, so I never took a class until my fortieth birthday. A quick frenzied dance obsession followed, one that temporarily replaced writing— at the time I was getting nowhere with my writing; meanwhile, two months after that initial class, I was invited to join an amateur adult dance company and begin performing locally. I lasted less than six months. I missed writing. I realized while yes, my writing was going nowhere, it never could if I didn’t give it everything I was giving dance: time, energy, creativity.
Fast forward to a few months ago— some talented local dancers shared they were teaching a class. It felt rather serendipitous since one of the characters in my new novel is a dancer. I could justify the hobby as research! Maybe dabbling in other artistic mediums would help me reconnect to writing. I mean, it happened before.
But I’m no longer forty. Not quite so limber and flexible. Not as graceful. The classes tend to be more hard than fun. I’m not the oldest person in the class, but most are much younger than me. Sometimes we do silly things that make us laugh. Sometimes the way I move feels so wrong I feel like they should be laughing at me. But no one does. No one cares. They’re too focused on their own movements. We all focus on taking up space.
How does this all relate to writing? Maybe it doesn’t, but the other night I noticed the instructors kept saying that: Take up space! Don’t be afraid to take up all the space you need!
They meant physical space. They were talking about our bodies and dance, but it made me think how little space I’ve been giving my writing. I’ve spent the past year doing a lot of writing adjacent things: reading, editing, lots of admin stuff. But actual writing?
Well, a couple months ago I cobbled together a draft of my new novel for my very kind, very brilliant writing group to read. But I did that with a specific goal and deadline. Because that’s what I realized as I moved around the room, doing a silly but fun dance exercise: I only write with an end goal. I only write under deadline.
I used to do the writing equivalent of the silly dance exercise: using pockets of time to jot down a poem that I would never show anyone, that was just for me. I’d start a short story I never intended to finish just to see where it might go. I don’t consider myself a writing prompt person, but once upon a time, I used them as a way to play around on the page (and if you’re someone who loves them: Rebecca Makkai has you covered).
I miss starting stories I’ll never finish because finishing isn’t the point. The point simply to get down whatever popped in my head to see if it was worth following. Most of what I wrote wasn’t. I often wouldn’t get down more than a paragraph before abandoning it. A string of words as play. A reminder to not take myself too seriously.
Because for me, writing fiction often feels more hard than fun, like the dance classes. I know what I need to do (make the reader believe something I completely made up), but pulling it off requires skills I worry I don’t have. And I don’t know about you, but I typically don’t associate difficult things with a good time. Add in deadlines and internal pressure, and writing has become something I must do, not necessarily something I want to do.
Please don’t mistake this for me saying “one must write daily” because I don’t buy that, and I’m a big believer in fallow periods. My point is to question how much space we give to creative freedom. With our freedoms under constant attack, we especially need to be able to create unencumbered. So that’s what I invite you to do this week: play on the page. Write a silly poem just for fun. A short story that’s not intended for anyone’s eyes but your own. One you don’t even need to finish.
Reading Recommendations
Online: Since I last posted I don’t think I’ve read anything online that’s not from Chicago Review of Books (not complaining— we deliver quality book coverage daily!) with the exception of JP Solheim’s short story, “An Embroidery” on Moonlighting by Lit Pub. It’s elegant and sad and beautiful. Wow.
Books:
Recently read: Not a quick or easy read, but Eve L. Ewing’s Original Sins: The (Mis)education of Black and Native Children and the Construction of American Racism is just as necessary and powerful as I knew it would be. It’s a little heavy, as important books often are, but I definitely recommend checking it out.
Another important book I read recently is Like a Hammer: Poets on Mass Incarceration. I know many of us are feeling compassion fatigue with so much injustice happening every day and so many social justice battles to fight, but I’m very concerned about mass incarceration, which I wrote about in this hybrid essay/ review.
Currently reading: Last week I picked up Zito Madu’s surrealist memoir The Minotaur at Calle Lanza. It came onto my radar because it was a National Book Award-finalist, a big feat for any book, much less from a small press (heck yeah, Belt Publishing!). I love experimental creative nonfiction and I find this book hypnotic.
Up next: Really excited to dig into Smashing the Tablets, edited by Sara Lippmann and Seth Rogoff. Almost all the blurbs mention the anthology being funny, which I’m all about, plus any project Sara Lippmann is part of is something I want to read.
Listening recommendation: Megan Stielstra and Sara Cutaia were recent guests on Chicago Writers Podcast talking about Megan’s essay, “Here is My Heart.” I love all four of the people having this conversation, but it’s such a great episode about such a great essay, you should probably check it out.
And speaking of Megan, some news: I sold my novel to her! It took a very, very long time to write and what feels like an equally long time to find someone willing to take a chance on it. The novel takes a lot of risks, and I’m really grateful Megan and the Northwestern University Press team believe in this book. How We See the Gray will be out in early 2026!
More exciting news: The Rockford Anthology will be published sooner than expected: its pub date was pushed up to this October!
A not-so-fun step in the novel’s publication process was trying to secure permissions to quote sources I’d hoped to use. I failed on almost all fronts except the most important: getting permission to use song lyrics from Low Mimetic, the album that feels like the novel’s soundtrack. Very grateful to everyone in La Historia. I’m hoping to share some exciting book related news about the band/ this album in the coming months as a way to break in my personal mailing list that I started last year but still haven’t used yet, which you can sign up for here!
(Substack wouldn’t let me embed from Bandcamp!)
Wishing you some creative play time today, whether in writing, dance, or just spacing out at a park! <3
CONGRATS RACHEL!!! So excited to read your book in its final form!!!
Congrats on your good book news! What an incredible synopsis.