The Present Is All There Is

One of my hottest writing tips is to go for walks. Any problem I’m struggling with tends to get solved when I walk away from what I’m working on and get moving. Walks also help me make sense of stuff going on in my life, they slow down my busy mind, even help me sleep better. I’m such a fan of my nightly walks I started going year-round, in rain and snow. Even in sub-zero temps— I’d bundle up in multiple pairs of pants, socks, and shirts, even two coats if needed, and go walk. It started to feel almost like a meditation practice. 

But I haven’t been able to walk lately, even though the weather has been nice, so nice it pains me not to be outside. I haven’t had time because I’m moving and there’s too much to do. Moving is exciting and heartbreaking and stressful and thrilling all at once. If you’ve done it, you know how awful the living-in-boxes life can be. How ungrounding it is to be in limbo for weeks on end. How anxious I feel to just move already so I can get settled. 

What does this have with writing? Everything and nothing. How what’s going on in our life impacts our ability to do it. Also, it feels like the personification of the problem I’ve got with my new novel. The characters feel real and the story urgent and personal, but I don’t feel sunk into it yet. Mentally, that is. Maybe that’s inevitable with my life teetering on upheaval. How can you sink into a fictional world when you feel like you’re floating above the real one?

Who can write when they can’t feel their feet touch the ground?

obviously an old photo, hopefully I’ll be walking again when things are in bloom

I’m a planner so I love looking forward. I like knowing what’s coming. I want to see the calmer, slower future waiting for me. A time when I can write and take walks and have the mental space to be creative again. I have to remind myself I am still creative, that I didn’t lose it. That my creativity is taking a nap right now while I deal with life. 

You can apply this to whatever you’re going through: financial stress, work stress, family stress, medical stress, relationship stress. Very hard to get creative when we’re drowning. When we’re just trying to survive each day. 

Maybe you’re not between living spaces, but jobs, or things at work are intense right now, or you’re caring for littles or a sick parent and can’t remember if you brushed your teeth today, or maybe life has been life-ing and all you can do at the end of the day is collapse on the couch and binge watch a show you’re embarrassed to admit you love— I see you. If you find yourself worrying you’ll never write again because WHEN WILL LIFE SLOW DOWN?!?, I’m right there with you. 

I’m trying to do the one day at a time thing, to let myself be uncomfortable. To just be. Be here now. 

Reading Recommendations:

I haven’t written a ‘regular’ post like this for almost two months, so this list is undoubtedly missing great work, especially online as I haven’t been on social media much these days, but here’s a snapshot of some things I’ve loved recently: 

Online: Back in January, I had the honor to edit a powerful short story called “Birds of Gaza” by Hadeel Salameh. It’s timely and extremely moving. 

Jennifer Solheim published a fantastic story “Like No One Else” on MQR Mixtape. She was a bassist, singer, and songwriter in several indie punk bands, and let me tell you— no one writes about punk music like Jennifer Solheim. (And you can hear her read it later today for a Mixtape reading on Zoom at 6:30pm CST!)

Recently read: I mentioned Nora Decter’s What’s Not Mine when it became available to preorder (which it still is!) and I got my review copy a while ago (weeks? months? what is time anymore?!?). I devoured it and because I love this novel so much, I then read it all over again. 

Currently reading: One of my favorite 2022 nonfiction reads was Elaine Castillo’s How to Read Now, so I was interested to check out her novel, America Is Not the Heart. I’m not far, but really love Castillo’s humor and sly tenderness in this Filipino family saga. And while it’s not full of food descriptions, there was enough for me to finally get out and try the absolute greatest Filipino restaurant. (If you’re in Rockford, be sure to check out 27Aluna!)

I also just started reading, and am already loving, Dipika Mukherjee’s latest essay collection, Writer’s Postcards. I’ll be in conversation with her at The Book Stall on March 19 at 6:30pm if anyone is near Winnetka!   

Up next: My very smart friend Star Wuerdemann and I are reading novels together to dissect and discuss, which has been a real treat for me. I’m learning so much by slowing down and going deep. (This Alice Elliott Dark post Star shared with me wonderfully describes the value of this process.) We started with a reread of All This Could Be Different by Sarah Thankam Mathews, and this month we’re checking out Idra Novey’s Take What You Need.

Also, some amazing news: I want to make some noise for Analía Villagra as she is a National Endowment for the Arts fellowship recipient! I’m so happy the federal government had the good sense to give Analía money to support her incredible writing!  

Very much feeling this song these days, with this line I translated for the title: 

El presente es lo único que hay

Wishing you a calm week! <3