This life is controlled confusion

It’s been 10 weeks since I’ve written a (non-interview) post, but I’m breaking my silence in honor of my birthday since posting on Substack is becoming a tradition. But long form writing isn’t happening today, so here’s a list:

1. I’ve thought about posting for over a month. But the longer I go between posts, the harder it is to write something. I feel like I need to give some big life update. Except that’s not what this Substack is meant to be, rather it’s to shine a light on other people’s work and to send encouragement to writers. I’m all for the former, but I’ve struggled lately with doing the latter. 

2. I want to offer you words of comfort and hope. Things are so heavy. In our country, yes, but also the world— genocide continues in Gaza, and more. So much more. I’m not about to dish up toxic positivity. Also, I’ve said it before, but there’s so much noise out there, sometimes I worry posting is just contributing to it. 

3. I’ve also become more aware of the fact that whatever I write on Substack ends up living on the internet. I’m all for sharing my neurotic thoughts and getting vulnerable about my struggles with a select number of people who opt in. (Hi! So glad you’re here!) But I recently became aware of how, well, public the things I write that live online are, hence feeling more cautious about posting vulnerable stuff literally anyone can find. 

4. I actually did write a post a few weeks ago but chickened out about sending for that very reason: I don’t want it living online. I’d share it with you if I knew it was just going to your inbox. It comes down to audience. For a while I was thinking that was you, reading it. And it is, but it’s also anyone who googles me. The internet is weird. 

5. I read the post I wrote last year on this day and I talked about how I was contemplating quitting writing. I don’t remember how seriously I meant that, but it’s wild what a different relationship I have with it now. Wild how much things have changed: by this time next year my name will be on the cover of 3 (!!!) books. It makes me wonder how many times people give up right when they’re on the precipice of making things happen.

6. I should explain: so, the first book is The Rockford Anthology (out October 21 with Belt Publishing and available for preorder) and the second is my novel, which will be published May 15, 2026. The third I didn’t write anything for: I had the very cool opportunity to discuss Amy Levy’s Romance of a Shop with the inimitable Ruth Madievsky and our conversation will appear in a new edition published by Unnamed Press’s Smith & Taylor imprint. (Also available for preorder or if you’ve been wanting to read more classics, you can buy a subscription.)

7. Last year’s post reminded me that I still haven’t used the personal mailing list I started. The idea was to use it for self-promotion, hence why I haven’t and probably never would. But then it hit me: what if I used it for seasonal posts that I don’t want to live on the internet? I can share the post I recently wrote—plus fun pics! I love the idea of using the mailing list as intimate letters a la old school Pub Cheerleaders posts. If you’re interested in getting these infrequent notes, you can sign up here.

8. Back to #1: As this Substack is meant to offer encouragement, I want to offer some for the road. Yes, things are heavy right now, but we need art. Your art. Keep creating. Keep going. 

Reading Recommendations

Recently read: 

Aria Aber’s Good Girl is another excellent example of why I love when poets write novels. So many devastatingly good lines, such beautiful depth.

I’m always excited when nice people I marginally know publish books, and I quickly dove into Aram Mrjoian’s Waterline. My favorite kind of literary novel: focused on character over plot. And yet I couldn’t put it down until I finished.

I’ve been on a short story kick lately, and really enjoyed Dima Alzayat’s Alligator. Many of the stories play with form, which I love, and overall the book has a sharp voice and compelling stories. I’m looking forward to checking out more of Alzayat’s work.

I also read a fantastic flash fiction collection called Bitter Over Sweet by Melissa Llanes Brownlee. I love flash when it’s done well and Llanes Brownlee nails it. I bought a copy at an event with a SFWP editor, but apparently it’s not out until November. (It’s also available for preorder!)

Yet another preorder alert: Karim Dimechkie’s The Uproar is paced and plotted in that page-turner-ing way, but it’s not the kind of story it seems to be and the ending destroyed me. I want to find someone to read it and talk to me about it!

Currently reading: 

Speaking of the heaviness in the world, I’m reading Omar El Akkad’s One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This, which is so important and oh so good. 

It’s unusual for me to be reading two nonfiction books at once, but here I am: I’m about halfway through Our History Has Always Been Contraband, edited by Colin Kaepernick, Robin D G Kelly, and Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor. Also important.

Last preorder alert: Karina Pacheco Medrano’s first novel to be translated into English (by Mara Faye Lethem) will be out with Graywolf Press in November. I’ve just started The Year of the Wind, but already really enjoying it.

The post’s title comes from this song: 

I hope you’re still pursuing your creative work right now. That’s what I want for my birthday: to know people are out there creating, still making art. As a form of resistance, as a form of joy. We’re in this together. Let’s keep going. <3