work we do off the page: self-compassion edition

Some of the work we need to do as writers happens off the page. Stuff like reading, researching, staying informed about what’s going on in the world, being open to adventure and new experiences, and living like we’ve only got one life to live. (Spoiler: we do, at least in this form.) And for some of us, there’s additional work so we can be who we need to be to write what we want to write, which Shayne Terry wrote about last year — a post I love. (Ditto the Substack, ditto its author.) 

But, whether our writing requires us to be better people or not, all of us need to practice self-compassion. The process of getting our work published can be ruthless, agonizing, and demoralizing — which is why self-compassion is essential. We need it so we don’t beat ourselves up when our work is going well, when we’re hitting walls, and when the rejections are piling up. 

I’m working on trying to practice self-compassion and giving myself the grace I give others. This basically means whenever I’m being hard on myself, I mentally ask if I’d ever think that way about a friend — the answer is always no.

I’m a sucker for Chani Nicholas and in a rising sign-specific astrological reading, she challenged: “Can you have as much compassion for yourself as you have for everyone else? And can you make it a daily practice to question yourself? And the only question is, Could I have more compassion for myself in this moment?” 

I’m challenging you to do the same. Let’s not beat ourselves up over our mistakes. We’re all doing the best we can. 

Reading Recommendations

Online: 

Two amazing essays I loved were listed as Notable Essays in Best American Essays 2022: this incredible essay on breakdancing and fatherhood by Davon Loeb and Daniel Garcia’s fantastic Mad Libs style essay. 

Also, I’m in awe of the work that goes into translations and want to shout out Analía Villagra’s translation of this very cool Mónica Bustos story in Samovar.

Books: 

Recently read:  I didn’t think I was ready to read a pandemic novel, but Weike Wang writes with such heart that I tore through Joan Is Okay. 

Currently reading: I just picked up Customs, Solmaz Sharif’s latest poetry collection, which is magnificent so far. 

Up next: Jonathan Escoffery’s If I Survive You

Preorder alert: After reading that Davon Loeb essay, you’ll probably want to preorder his lyrical memoir, The In-Betweens — and you should! Your future self will thank you.

Remember: you’re worthy of love and compassion — not just from others, but yourself, too. <3