you can’t have a good time all of the time

I finished writing the first draft of a new novel, but I scrapped it and started over without reading a word. I prefer editing to writing so revising a terrible draft is less daunting than starting over, but I knew it was more diary dump than art. So all those months I spent writing that draft, gone.

When is it time to burn everything down?

Capitalism teaches us to value productivity. We shouldn’t “waste” time. We can’t have a good time all of the time. We need to keep going to get anywhere.

But what if we’re on the wrong path? What if things feel beyond repair?

Sometimes things are fixable, sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes the fixing is fun, other times it’s painful. It can be hard to know when to burn it all to the ground and when to slog through. 

A few months ago I kept pulling the Death card, which is about transformation, letting something die to make room for something greater. It’s an idea I’ve been thinking a lot about. Because when we know what we want, we need to make space for that. And sometimes making space is about burning what we have. 

I think our gut knows when it’s time to let something die. It can be hard to admit when that path feels so much harder (and less fun). But if we really listen, we can tell the difference. And hey, starting over can be an adventure!

Reading Recommendations:

Online: Tauheed Zaman wrote a breathtaking essay called “How to Say I Love You in Bangla” that was published in Catapult (RIP). 

One of my favorite short story collections is Kate Wisel’s Driving in Cars with Homeless Men, so I was excited to see she recently published a great new story in Hobart: Four Ways to Handle Adrian's Relapse.

Books: 

Recently read: I just finished reading an ARC of Dionne Ford’s forthcoming Go Back and Get It: A Memoir of Race, Inheritance, and Intergenerational Healing (out 4/4 and available to preorder!) and am trying to gather words for how stunning and important it is…

Currently reading (and will be for a while): Leon Forrest’s modern classic door stopper Divine Days isn’t a novel to fly through, and not only because it’s a whopping 1140 pages. (But who’s counting?) I’m enjoying it, and enjoying going slowly. 

Up next: I’m looking forward to checking out Britta Badour’s forthcoming poetry collection Wires that Sputter. 

Other recommendations:  

To check out: A new publishing collective! The brilliant Caroline Shannon and Alex Alberto launched Quilted Press! 

To support: Madison Street Books turns three today! If you’re in Chicago, you should stop in— they’ll have cookies! (Books and cookies— what more could you want?!) 

To watch: My talented friend Rohit Arun Sawant made this (very) short film that was a finalist in The Fear Faire Film Festival and The Island of Horror Film Fest! 

To listen: I thought it’d be fun to try to keep naming posts after songs and this one’s title comes from this song. 

Wishing you a week full of good times— if not all of the time, as much as possible!